32-year-old husband lies to wife about finances, has secretly been stocking funds into a private account with more than $45k, wife goes back on their agreements for finances and childcare

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Dec 8, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Sacrificing yourself to a relationship and someone else is one of the hardest, most vulnerable things to do. Finding out you've been lied to, tricked, duped, or deceived is so viscerally uncomfortable. No one wants to feel like they've given themselves to the wrong person. It can create so many trust issues along the way that it makes sense how hesitant people are to really get into a relationship at all. The story here is about a married couple. They had an agreement throughout their whole marriage about finances and childcare. They just had a daughter, and their agreement was that she won't be in daycare because of a trauma on the husband's side. 

They're trying to narrow down options for their health insurance, when the wife gets a call from the DHHS. They inform her of what they're eligible for, but in the process, she finds out her husband is making a lot more than he's telling her. She finds out he's been adding money to a private account he kept hidden from her. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my husband that I am going back on our agreement and I dont care if he cries about it?

    Couple in distress
    via Vasyl Dolmatov / Canva

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My husband and I (both 32) have been together since we were 19. Our entire relationship feels like it just blew up in my face, basically, and I cant tell if I am overreacting.
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    So, we both wanted 1 child and we have planned this for YEARS. We wanted everything perfect first. The home, the careers, the
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    savings, the investments, the nest egg, etc etc etc because we both knew from very early on that once we had a baby, I would be
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    staying home full time and raising our child. His brothers life was unfortunately cut short by a daycare worker when he was just
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    5 months old, back in 2017. So daycare wasnt an option basically and we need to make sure our
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    ducks were in a row so I could stay home and be a full time parent.
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    Two years ago we were sitting on half a million in investments, a few nest eggs in different types of savings and bonds accounts, we
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    bought the house, we even bought a damn boat. Everything we planned for fell in to place, finally, and we started trying for a
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    baby. We now have a perfect 4 week old daughter. I have been out of work since I was 5 months pregnant, due to a
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    abruption - but otherwise everything went fine. Shes perfectly healthy, was a good weight and I bounced back from
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    the delivery fairly quickly because of how much of a support system my husband was. He did more than his fair share, while still
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    working full time. Which is partially why I cannot tell if I am being dramatic or if this is hormones or PPD or whatever. Like I am legitimately livid.
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    So, basically, earlier this afternoon I get a phone call from DHHS to go over health insurance options and whether or not the baby is
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    eligible for state insurance based off our income. I had already given DHHS all of our info (social security numbers, DOB, etc etc) when they called yesterday and
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    was just waiting for all our info and assets to be pulled. Anyways, she calls and says we arent eligible because my husband
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    Daycare
    via nurlita from de_design / Canva

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    makes too much money and that we will need to add her to our private insurance. Absolutely no problem at all! I kind of figured
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    that anyways. But then she off handedly mentions that my husband is making $10,920 monthly gross and that the cut off for state insurance is $7,830
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    monthly gross. Well... here's the issue... for months my husband has been telling me that he only makes $6k a month after taxes.
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    So I get off the phone and I log in to my husband's computer and in to his banking and sure enough, his monthly take home is
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    bordering around $8500. He is transferring everything over $6k in to an account I didnt even know existed. So, I call him out on
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    it and he breaks down and tells me that he "just wanted something that was only his". Please keep in mind that ALL of
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    my money has ALWAYS gone in to our joint account that he uses on a daily basis. So he is hiding money from me so he can have
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    his own money, while plugging away at mine. Over $45k he has sitting in that account. While telling me last week that we
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    couldn't have steak for dinner because spending $38 on 2 steaks was a "waste of money".
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    So, I told him I am putting the baby in daycare and going back to work because obviously I need to safeguard myself if he is hiding
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    away money. Something feels off about it, idk. He instantly started crying (see above, daycare trauma) but I truly just dont trust
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    him financially anymore. I no longer feel secure here. I said I changed my mind and I dont care if he cries about it. AITA?
    via u/Primary-Strength-829

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